B is for Boundaries
“In a healthy relationship, both people are able to ebb and flow with these shifts in boundaries.”
Boundaries - From Theory to Function
We have all heard the word boundaries and have some sense of what they are in theory. They are limits set to define what is appropriate within our relationships. They operate across several categories, including physical, emotional, mental, time, and financial. When functioning properly, boundaries protect both the individual and others by supporting clear communication and establishing accountability.
While this sounds simple and straightforward, the practice of setting and maintaining boundaries is far more involved. Working boundaries often need to shift based on personal circumstances and life changes, and each individual relationship can require its own unique set of boundaries. Imagine a woman with a long-time friend of 20 years. For their friendship to thrive, they may establish an understanding that they can call or text each other at any time, day or night. This boundary works because it is built on mutual trust and respect. However, if that same woman later gets married and has a baby, that all-hours access may naturally change and become more limited. In a healthy relationship, both people are able to ebb and flow with these shifts in boundaries.
Problems arise when boundaries are incorrect or unclear. Boundaries can be porous, meaning they are too flexible and allow people to ignore them rather than respect them. On the opposite end of the spectrum, boundaries can be rigid, leaving no room to adapt to new situations or people. For example, someone may state that they do not take personal phone calls at work as a general rule. On the surface, this seems healthy. However, if a call comes in informing them that a loved one has died and rigid boundaries cause them to remain disconnected and unwilling to take the call—despite understanding the gravity of the situation—this can become harmful and create lasting damage. Between porous and rigid boundaries lie healthy boundaries: ones that hold firm to established guidelines while still allowing for thoughtful adjustment when necessary.
Establishing healthy boundaries takes time. They require consistent awareness, monitoring, and occasional recalibration. Even so, the effort is worthwhile, as well-defined boundaries ultimately support healthier relationships, clearer communication, and long-term emotional well-being.