No Longer Alone

One of the hardest parts of childhood trauma is the learned behavior that results from having no one to tell. Whether through emotional unavailability, neglect, or contributory abuse, many survivors learn from an early age that there is no one who will listen to them. A heartbreaking ruse of many abusers goes even further, telling vulnerable children that even if someone does listen, they won’t be believed. The thing that makes this so devastating is that it is the reality of many circumstances, causing those who experienced abuse as children to hide it until they are much older. It never quite takes away the damage done by not being seen when that is what was needed so desperately.

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A wall begins to go up, protecting areas of vulnerability, and children under these situations will many times develop around their pain. Their aim is to be good, to try to be easy to raise, and never cause a fuss. It doesn’t match the turmoil inside, so questioning oneself becomes par for the course as well. The goal is to fit into the hidden space the world has carved out for them, so they shrink themselves. Hurts that come along are often minimized and, as a learned adaptation, carried alone..

Yes, kids adapt to survive. The part of them that needs to be acknowledged never goes away. Instead, it festers like a wound. If only they could be heard, be understood, and be believed, then healing could come. Hear this:

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You should have been protected.

You should have been listened to.
You should have been believed.

You may never hear these words from others, but they are the truth. I understand the pain and how weighty it can feel carrying it alone. It is one of the reasons that I do the work I love, giving people (especially women and teens) someone who will acknowledge the pain that has been part of them for so long. There is a better way to live. If you are ready to find out how to grow beyond this system of survival, it is time to reach out.